Blog: Suicide–Not the Answer!


Suicide–Not the Answer!

As times become increasingly evil and circumstances of life are harder to bear, especially for younger adults who are trying to raise families, we hear more news reports about people (of all ages) committing suicide. In my opinion—and based on my experience—most people resort to this drastic measure to escape the pain, suffering, and hopelessness brought upon them because of difficult circumstances in their lives. There deep depression and increased self-focus blind them to the truth—this season of difficulties will eventually pass, even though the immediate solution is not apparent.

In 1 Peter 5:8-9 scripture tells us, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.” The devil, Satan, comes shooting fiery darts, planting bad thoughts and lies into the minds of those who are depressed (and others too), aiming to deceive, lie, and convince them there is no hope!

In those that are suicidal, their thoughts, emotions, and their flesh—which are on the side of the enemy—get stirred up and run wild! This heightened activity of the person adds to the blindness Satan puts on depressed ones and hinders them, similar to a person who has lost something and frantically looks for it, overlooking it because of their frustration with the situation. Frequently, depressed people get so wrapped up in the negative circumstances and self-pity that they forget they will eventually pass through the difficulties. They get so focused on the present situation that they fail to look beyond the pit they’re in, to see the great things on the road ahead. They don’t know, or they forget there is always hope, even when we don’t see it, because they are nearly buried in the mud and mire of the deep pit of despair. I know this because, about thirty-five years ago, I was in that pit!

Several bad circumstances in my life distracted me so bad that I focused only on those bad things and completely forgot about the good. I was so busy worrying about my moment-by-moment life that I lost touch with the possibility that there was hope for my situation to change. Living in my first marriage, with an abusive, alcoholic husband, was the worst situation imaginable. As time went on, his drinking–and the abuse—increased. Fear of his abuse haunted me so bad that I couldn’t focus on anything else.

Secondly, my first husband and I went through a two-to-three year period of time where several close family members died from various causes. My husband’s father died from a massive heart attack and his youngest brother was killed in a heavy-equipment mishap. My uncle and all four of my grandparents also passed away. I buried the pain deep inside. For many years I cried frequently but because of the abuse and repeated deaths, I eventually became numb.

The birth of my first son added more stress to the already-overwhelming situation. Though I loved my son, I was not prepared, nor did I know how to care for an infant. Being awake day and night to care for the baby exhausted me, and fear that something would happen to him gripped my heart. My emotions were overloaded, and the lack of sleep reduced my ability to cope with the situation.

One day, after a night of verbal abuse, my drunken husband’s words kept running through my mind: “You are worthless. You don’t contribute anything. You’re the spoiled boss’ daughter,” and the words kept repeating in my mind like a phonograph record that gets stuck and plays the same words of the song over and over again. Eventually I succumbed to the words, and believed Satan’s lies.

“You must be right,” I said. “If I don’t contribute anything and I’m so worthless, why should I continue to live and put up with this pain? After all, my husband’s drinking and the abuse continually increase, and he isn’t about to quit!” I saw no hope for anything good in the future. I even prayed to God for several years to deliver my husband from his alcohol problem. Only later on, did I learn that God will not go against our human will. Since my first husband refused to believe in and listen to God, God would not force him to do so.

With tears in my eyes and my heart pounding loudly, I reached into the silverware drawer and pulled out a sharp steak knife with serrated edges. I put the knife to my wrist and applied pressure to cut myself. I wanted to get out of my painful, hopeless life!

Just as I applied pressure on the knife handle, my six-week old son cried loudly from his bedroom. At the sound of his helpless cry, I froze. Thoughts suddenly flooded my mind: “What will he think if his mother kills herself shortly after his birth? Will he blame himself? Who will take care of him since it is obvious his father is not fit to do it?”

“I can’t do this to him,” I thought to myself. Then I knew I had to live for him, if for no other reason. So I retrieved my newborn son from his crib, and went into the living room and sat down on the sofa. As I tried to calm both of us down, the revelation came: I need help, but where can I find the help I need?”

Suddenly the Holy Spirit began pouring scriptures and memories of Bible stories of the miracles of Jesus into my mind. I had previously heard these stories in Sunday Schools, Vacation Bible Schools, and church services that I periodically attended at various churches. At that moment, I realized that God or one of his angels woke my baby up at the exact moment I tried to end my life. After all, no one else knew what I was doing, as the baby and I were home alone.

“Jesus must truly love me!” I thought. “Though I’m an emotional wreck, Jesus must truly love me!” At that moment the Holy Spirit brought revelation of the words “Jesus loves me” into my heart and life. I knew God wasn’t far away, looking down on me; rather, he was right there with me. I cried. But these tears were tears of joy!

That day—35 years ago—God stopped me from committing suicide and gave me a purpose to live! He can—and will—do the same for others. But God has already given us purposes in life. Our purposes are to bring God pleasure, spread the Gospel, share our testimonies with others, love God above everything else, and love our neighbors as ourselves.

Since that day God has healed me of many deep wounds, and has brought good out of my bad experiences by using me to encourage and minister to others going through difficult times. Only God can bring good out of the bad circumstances in our lives!

Now 35 years later, when I look back on that day, I realize Satan would have robbed me of many wonderful blessings from God, including:

    1. The memories and joy of raising my two sons, seeing them grow into wonderful young men, and graduate from college with “A” grade point averages.
    2. Seeing my two sons marry wonderful women, have children, and be responsible in caring for their families.
    3. Spending time with my grandchildren, getting to see and know them.
    4. Healing from a divorce, and marrying my present husband who is also a Christian.
    5. Sharing over 20 years, mostly happy years, with my husband.
    6. Spending many special moments with my family, including my father, mother, and sister.
    7. Planning and having an 80th birthday party for my father.
    8. Ministering with God’s word for 25+ years in Children’s ministry, singles ministry, teaching women’s Bible studies, and now sharing the Gospel and my testimonies with others through this writing ministry.
    9. Ministering to hurting people I meet along the way as we go about our daily lives in the small community of Sandpoint, Idaho. My goal is to encourage them and let them know God loves them too! He can help them overcome the difficult times in their lives, and He alone can heal the broken hearted and broken families!
    10. Getting born again and becoming a child of God, a member of God’s kingdom and His household. The answer for those dealing with difficult circumstances is found in Psalm 42:11: “Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man that maketh the Lord his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies. (Psalm 40:1-4)

In John 10:10-11, Jesus says, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good Shepherd: the good Shepherd giveth His life for the sheep.” “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; Who healeth all thine diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth your mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executeth righteousness and justice for all that are oppressed.” (Psalm 103:2-6)

These are only a few of the blessings that I would have missed if God hadn’t intervened in my life and stopped me from making a dreadful mistake. So I admonish anyone who is considering suicide to understand that SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER! It only robs you of God’s great plans for your life, and deeply wounds those you love and those who love you!





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